Btch Fit of Fanfics
by Navi Winchester
Summary: Oh, just me raging about fanfictions. .-. Preferably the ones with OC's.
1. Mary Sue's and Gary Stue's

Ok, I know there has probably been quite a few who have written stuff like this before me, but I kinda wanted to do the same, too… but don't worry, I'm not copying no one, and I've only read another one before this waaayyy long ago. This is all just coming to mind. Nothing more than an inspired sort of thing. And who doesn't love putting all their anger into this? XD

I'll be using my other story, The Lonely God, by screwing up a part and use that as an example, maybe.

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce my Bitch Fit of Fanfics.

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Mary-Sue's and Gary-Stue's

We all hate 'em. I hate them, you hate them, _everyone_ hates them.

"A girl with hazel eyes and long, brown hair descending to curls, had noticed him."

That drabble from the TLG oneshot, is okay. I made her sound pretty, but not _beautiful._ Or fabulous. Or colorfully not pulling it off.

"A girl with shining blue eyes with gold specks, and purple, silky hair streaming down her shoulders, had noticed him."

See what I did there? Half-assed, yes. But Mary-Sue? Yup.

Or if a Mary-Sue OC were paired with Levi from Attack on Titan. ***shiver*** Horrifying. Bitch, that OC better be long time friends, as way back as Farlan and _maybe_ Isabelle to even have a _chance_ with Levi. If not, I will track your IP address, force you to re-write that shit, and steal all your delicious food. Bitch.

Bitch is my favorite word. I swear.

\\(-_-')/ No, I'm sorry Miss, I can't allow stiletto ninja sandals, boots, or shoes in general. If this was Naruto, AoT, Bleach-whatever, you will die, guaranteed. By what, you may ask? Me, motherfucker.

FANFIC PO-PO IN THE HOUSE. \\(.3.)/

The police are mean… ;-;

EEEYYY YO BUBBLEGUM HAIR! WELCOME TO THE MARY-SUE ACADEMY YOU'LL FIT RIGHT IN.

 **Sponsored by no one.**

Levi: ' _She is pretty- what am I thinking?'_

Mary-Sue: Teehee, heeeyyy Levi. *giggles*

Levi: ' _Her laugh…. is so cute.'_

And then they make out, have sweet, sweet love, and have 16 kids. The end, bitches.

SINS OF A FANFIC CHARACTER(if you have more than two of these see a doctor)

-Make-up

-No flaws

-Fanboys/girls

-Really OP

-Stiletto shoes

-Colored hair but not pulling it off

-Making all them people OOC

-Unique OP powers that can tear the fabric of reality itself

-A very tragic past that is supposed to make you sad and get empathy from everyone

-Unique clothing

-All of the above

 **AAAANNNNDDDD see you next time, people.**


	2. Misspellings

**Been awhile, because I'm lazy. No joke. Do you know how tedious writing is? While writing: *in epic zone***

 **After/before writing: I really don't want to do this. I'll do it tomorrow.**

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Misspellings.

My God, _misspellings._

Can you, like, not?

Eren Jaeger. Misspell: Yager. Jaeger is the correct form of his last name. Think: _he's German. His last name literally means "Hunter" in German. The correct way to spell hunter in German is Jaeger or Jager(the "a" with the two dots above)._

It's like they spelled it Yager to just dumb it down for them white people to pronounce it right.

Anyways,

In fanfictions I always see;

 _Saske_ Sasuke.

 _Jaraya Jiriya Jiariya_ wtf it's Jiraiya.

 _Zoaldyeck._ Zoldyck. No. Just no. That official book whatevers is wrong. no. :[

 _Chado/Chato_ Dude, it's Chad. In Japanese language they have no choice but to add the O part at the end. Like how they don't really have an L sound that I know of, so they use the R sound. Duh. He also goes by Sato, which might be misheard as Chado, so idk.

The worst of all:

Levi _Rivaille._

Where the fuck did this come from? His last name is Ackerman, (it's confirmed in the manga where he talks about his past) and I've seen no mention of this Rivaille.

Or they literally think his name is Rivaille and not Levi.

Not a misspelling per say, but thought I should throw that out there.

Fuck. Educate yourself before you write a story or you'll look stupid and piss many off.

Please.

Just so you know, Sharingan is how it's spelled. Now you know.


	3. Extremely Short Chapters

They shouldn't be considered chapters. More like segments or something.

If they aren't at least 1,000 word chapters(there are a few exceptions, though) then they are most likely not worth reading.

There's 800 word chapters,

700,

600,

400,

200,

100,

and yes, even 50 word chapters.

That in itself is NO effort, most likely horrible grammar, and sucky plot.

Like come on, we need LENGTHY chapters! Not these puny excuses of chapters! I get so angry when it could be so much more, but oh God, the amount of content.

It's like your daily eating. You have your side of meat, grains, calcium, veggies/fruit, a drink, and dessert(for a healthy eater's example. or whatever. I usually eat something with a side of another thing and a drink). You cut off the dessert. Not as happy, but okay.

Then goes the calcium. Be short forever? Oh well, atleast I have my delicious meat, grains, and healthy stuff.

Then the veggies/fruit. Oops, looks like I've lost some weight. Mostly the muscle. And stuff.

Your grains. Looks like I'm slowly growing weaker and scrawny.

And finally, your meat. Oh no, I seem to have nothing to eat, I guess I'll just go in the corner and starve to death.

See? Longer chapters is a must, like eating is a must, or you'll die.

….

….

So you'll die of short chapters? Crap, better go off and find some lengthy fanfics….


	4. Opposites Attract

Ever heard of opposites attract? Well, people seem to use this term quite lightly.

OC/Character and, Sasuke for example, hate each other. Morely on OC's part because she/he is a bitch. Sasuke is just annoyed and an emo shit as always.

Oh? What is this? What is this feeling when Sasuke is near OC?!1?!

Yes, the 1 was on purpose, I'm not that stupid.

Why? Just why is it that whenever there is a pairing they despise each other or the hate is one-sided and they are nothing alike?

It seems to me that Author- eh hem, Wannabe-Author-san, is trying too hard to make the character not OOC or usually, Mary Sue/Gary Stue.

Seriously, somehow OC falls on Sasuke and they are _this close_ to kissing isn't very romantic to me. And very cliche. And then they are about to kiss then get somehow interrupted, then they never speak of the incident again.

If it were me, I'd be getting Sasuke the next chance I get against a freaking wall.

Cough.

I'd prefer if OC and Sasuke were like on friend terms, and then OC is like always calling Sasuke pet names or something. That is just cute and fluff right there.

Although it'd be pretty difficult to develop Sasuke's character into more of a sap or something. Maybe Naruto? Or perhaps Kaneki?

Why did I even use Sasuke? I'm so going way off topic with this….

And then some sort of miracle happens that brings them together, the end.

no.

I don't want shitty tsundere crap or whatever.

Normal teens would be calm about crushes and getting a significant other.

I've lost faith in humanity.


	5. Getting Along TOO Well

Just because they just met, doesn't mean they are gonna immediately like each other or get super close or anything.

No love at first sight.

Hell no.

We need development, not;

Naruto: ' _She's…. cute.'_

Okay, maybe. He's blunt and lovable like that.

Sasuke: ' _She smells nice…. wait what am I thinking?'_

No. Go to your time-out corner you bitch. First, it depends on the character. Naruto can pull it off. Sasuke can't.

"She's so pretty….. wait what am I thinking?"

"She is so…. warm. What. I must be crazy."

Seriously? If i had those thoughts, it'd be end of story.

Me(fanfic): "He's so cute…. ugh, what am I saying that's just crazy! I must be sick or something. That's it. It has to be it." and blah blah blah liking a boy is a scandalous thing.

Me(reality): "DAMN. He's hot. Look over here, kid. Oh yeah. Holy shit that is hot."

That's me everyday.

Anyways, they can't just be like falling in love as soon as they see each other or anything. Make a realistic approach. How did you first meet your significant other? You obviously didn't go off to making out the next day or anything.

Or maybe you did, I wouldn't know.

* * *

 **And oh my God, Noragami season 2 and AoT Highschool chibi anime so cute. .3.**


	6. Singing

" **Hello,**

 **Is it me you're looking for?**

 **I can see it in your eyes,**

 **I can see it in your smile….."**

 **As I had started to sing, all eyes in the room looked up at me.**

Good. That is good. Let me high-five you, give you lot's of love, and candy.

" **I've been alone with you**

 **Inside my mind**

 **And in my dreams I've kissed your lips**

 **A thousand times**

 **I sometimes see you**

 **Pass outside my door**

 **Hello!**

 **Is it me you're looking for?**

 **I can see it in your eyes**

 **I can see it in your smile**

 **You're all I've ever wanted**

 **And my arms are open wide**

 **'cause you know just what to say**

 **And you know just what to do**

 **And I want to tell you so much**

 **I love you**

 **I long to see the sunlight in your hair**

 **And tell you time and time again**

 **How much I care**

 **Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow**

 **Hello!**

 **I've just got to let you know**

 **'cause I wonder where you are**

 **And I wonder what you do**

 **Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**

 **Or is someone loving you?**

 **Tell me how to win your heart**

 **For I haven't got a clue**

 **But let me start by saying I love you.**

 **Hello!**

 **Is it me you're looking for?**

 **'cause I wonder where you are**

 **And I wonder what you do**

 **Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**

 **Or is someone loving you?**

 **Tell me how to win your heart**

 **For I haven't got a clue**

 **But let me start by saying I love you."**

 **As I finished the song, everyone started to boo me for fucking copying and pasting a whole fucking song into this instead of a short obvious part of a song, and/or not breaking it up into pieces at least.**

Like, the fuck? We get what you are singing, dude. Just put a partial area of the song of your choosing and the reader will get what they are singing. Not putting the WHOLE LYRIC SHEET ONTO IT. Most won't even bother reading it, they'll just skip it, or exit out of that disgusting fanfiction.

And come on, get creative and be descriptive while they are singing. Not lazing around and throwing that whole shit load of song lyrics at us.

Jeez.

And why does it always have to be a topic-situation related song? Why not something cool? Like Hunter x Hunter ending 5. Damn that's a good song.

DAICHI WO FUMISHIMETE~

KIMI WA MEZAMETEIKU~

TENSHI NO HOHOEMI DE~

TSUREDASHITE~!

Fuck yeh.

I got reminded of Hunter x Hunter theme song and just had to do it.


	7. Disclaimers!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Noragami. It belongs to Adachitoka. I own my OC(s) and different story plot.**

So today I was like, ' _Eyy, that kid is cute.'_ And then he turned my way and I got a better look at him. A tattoo on his chest?

Damn that's hot.

I then went up to the blonde boy and said hi. He gasped and replied, "Y-you can see me?!"

"Yeh. Why? Anyways, I thought you might need some company cause ya look bored over here just drinking a frappuccino."

He looked down, "Uh, nevermind. My name's Yukine. You?"

"Navi. Nice to meet you."

Then we had sugary milk with barely any caffeine that is frappucinos and talked for hours and hours.

* * *

 **hot sex scene or hot make-out scene comes up**

* * *

One thing led to another, and we were sucking face the next.

Although it was pretty hot. Even though we known each other for a day.

* * *

Don't make me redrum you over there.

Seriously, _why._

hehey,

look up at the url box up there. ^

Yeh, there.

What does it say?

Fanfiction?

Why, do you know what it means?

FICTIONAL STORIES WRITTEN BY FANS BASED ON CERTAIN FANDOMS.

Does it say anywhere that it is just an original fiction site?

Does it look like fiction . net to you?

I don't think so.

 **FAN** FICTION

Do you get the point now?

Do you?

Do you really?

I don't believe you.

Like, no fucking shit you don't own Noragami. It's unnecessary. I wonder if this is a virus or something, because a lot of writers do that. (Do the disclaimer only once on the first chapter! That's all is needed!)

Even so, as long as you don't say, "I own Noragami. This is original." then you should be fine without anything.

Only real way to be plagiarizing is if you copied another writer's work without their permission and/or credit.


	8. Lemons and Limes Mmmm

**I'm BACK~ It's been a while. c:**

* * *

Hello there lovelies, you shall get the birds-and-the-bees talk.

"Why?" you ask?

Well, I don't know but apparently you believe that

SEX IS PAINFUL AF FOR THE FIRST TIME?

Bitch, no. When you have sex for the first time, it doesn't hurt. You don't cry tears of pain. It may sting a little, but not enough to even so much as say, "Ow."

Another thing, why does everyone got a thing for titties? The guy be like ***licks titties, bites the tiddies*** And the girl responds with ***almost orgasms with the nips and titty action***

No.

Realistically, they won't really get off to that all that much. Unless they got a really big tiddy fetish.

The hymen is a thing, but it's not like you got stabbed by having a knife shoved up your asshole.

And as for making-out, please do not write:

 **Natsu and Lucy's tongues battled for dominance.**

What the actual fuck? I see it everywhere, it's always

" **Battled for dominance."** bitch stop.

Get creative when it comes to French kissing, guys.

 **Peace out bitches.**

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 **Note: Thank you to you two guest reviewers who have corrected me ahahaha. ^_^' I edited some chapters a bit.**


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